World, I will never understand you

I want to actually write on this thing, but I sort of forgot how to blog I think. God has been teaching me a lot recently, but it's in sort of a way that I don't really understand what it is He's teaching me until after something happens. I just feel sort of disheveled and don't really know what's going on in life. Reality doesn't seem real. As strange as this sounds it's not a bad thing. God feels distant. I know He's not. The Gospel doesn't seem real. I know it is. I want to pray for revival until I run out of breath even though I have yet to see any results. I know He is working on something. He always has tricks up His sleeves, good tricks. I'm building better friendships with friends I've known a while. I'm spending more time with married people and their kids. I find myself wanting to spend more time with grown-ups. I crave alone time, which used to never happen. I have some, ok one, friendship that feels like it will always be complicated and never resolved, but that's not really a bad thing either. It's sort of exciting. Makes life interesting. I've spent my whole life relying on people to do things for me. God has been teaching me that there are some things I have to do on my own, on my own meaning with His help but not depending on humans. I have to put all my trust and hope in Him. I have to listen to what He is saying to me and believe that it is true. I can't turn to others first. I need to turn to Jesus. I'm learning this stuff in a way I can't really explain, but life just feels sort of different and kind of zany/wacky/quirky/interesting. My job is crazy. It is not what I would want to do. I don't want to do customer service anymore, but I can see that God is moving there even though everyone I've met there seems like they are very far off. They aren't. Noone really is. Use me, God, even in this place that still feels like limbo and doesn't make sense. You give me joy anyway. That is awesome. You are awesome! Amen.